Confessions of a Food Troll

I think every person on earth must have a unique and strange relationship with food. If you don’t, I do not understand you.

Here are just a few of my random quirks with food:

I first became aware of my intense love for food when my Pakistani friend moved in with my roommates and me. She would make food in our tiny cramped kitchen, and I would sit on the stairs and gawk at her until she had no choice but to offer me a taste. I was never subtle enough to feign disinterest and politely refuse like a good Brasilian is trained to do. She began calling me a food troll. I embraced it… and I never minded, because she is just as much a food troll as me.

Food Troll. Definition: 1. Someone who is really uncool about how much they love food.

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Photo Credit: Hannah Bradford. Esfihas de frango & carne that Hannah and I made together


I’m pretty sure my new employer has already noticed my food troll ways. When I first started working at the deli, the owner would make a new dish and ask me if I wanted a taste. Now he just hands me a sample, knowing the answer will always be an enthusiastic and way too quick “yes!”


It stresses me out when I’m at​ a restaurant where the wait staff boxes the food for you. What if they left some of the food on the plate? What if there is still some rice on my plate, or worse, a little piece​ of steak? These are the thoughts that plague me as I lie in bed after having dinner at a nice restaurant.


Gary’s and my first Thanksgiving together went down like an overly dramatic, ridiculous soap-opera.  Gary decided to be incredibly sweet, and make Thanksgiving dinner without my help, with the help of a buddy of his. After a bit of planning with his buddy, they decided they would be cooking three types of meat along with all the sides and desserts. THREE TYPES OF MEAT! Turkey, Ham and Lamb. Normally this abundance of meat would delight me, but this announcement sent me straight into a full-blown panic attack. “Gary hardly ever cooks, what if he ruins, not one, but three perfectly good pieces of meat?!? How could we ever finish so much food?!? Does he realize how much work he is getting into?!?! The fridge has a system… he’ll mess up the system! And the Lamb! The beautiful, amazing (expensive) lamb… if they dry out that baby, I am pretty sure my heart will break.”  There were some other factors that played into this panic… lack of sleep, college finals, hormonal birth control…. So it spiraled into the worst panic attack of my life. Gary was amazingly kind and patient through it all as we stayed up most of the night before Thanksgiving working through it. I finally calmed down and decided to give up the fridge and the lamb to God… come what may. The next day, I vacated the house because that was the only way I was not going to go crazy (and drive my husband crazy). When it came time for lunch, Gary and his buddy had prepared one of the best Thanksgiving dinners I have ever had. All three meats turned out beautifully, and it was not too much food for us and the friends we had over.  Turns out, he is a great cook 😊

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My family loves camping. We are okay with roughing it in a lot of departments… bathrooms, personal hygiene, beds, cramped tents, bugs, etc. But one area where we never rough it is food. This past camping trip we had flipping gourmet food for every meal. We ate better while camping than we usually do at home. Breakfast with pancakes, bacon, hash browns, vegetables, fruit, toast, jam, egg casserole, coffee, tea and more. None of those cereal bars for us. We went canoeing one day and packed sandwiches for a picnic on the river. As we traveled down the rapids, we found we are not terribly skilled at keeping the canoes upright (that, and it’s fun to tip the canoe). One by one, each canoe capsized until all had fallen in the river except the canoe carrying our picnic cooler. We decided we had better find a spot and eat our picnic before that boat capsized as well. We don’t mess around with missing meals…. not in this family.

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Photo Credit: Hannah Bradford

 

 

Anyways… I’m sure there is more to add to this list. I probably will add more as I think of it. Curious to know of some food quirks ya’ll might have.

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About sarjb

I am from Brasil, specifically a town near São Paulo called Atibaia. My parents are from the US and lived in Brasil for around 23 years. I came to the US when I was 18 to begin college. Just a few weeks after moving to the US, I met Gary while swing-dancing at OU (the University of Oklahoma). He later became my husband. I studied Arabic in college and have lived in Jordan for a total of around 2 years (both as a child and during my college years).
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One Response to Confessions of a Food Troll

  1. Pingback: Random Thoughts Before Moving to Jordan | Chester House Musings

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