Season of Loneliness Past

Lying in bed with my husband’s arms wrapped around me, that last moment before falling asleep, I opened my eyes and see that dim, little flash of purple light from my phone on the floor… the one that indicates someone sent me a WhatsApp message. Usually, this little flash of light at night would annoy me, so I would roll out of bed onto the floor and shove my phone under the rug so that the flashing light wouldn’t keep me up any longer.  Tonight though, for some reason, it made me realize… I am not lonely anymore.

Why did I even think of that? I haven’t thought of being lonely in a while. I realized how comforting a thought that was as it rolled by in my head. It was the purple light. When I was living in Jordan for a few months, before Gary and I got married, that purple light was my lifeline. Gary and I used WhatsApp to communicate, so anytime I would see that purple light, my heart would skip a beat and I would grab my phone as fast as I could to answer him.  Because of the time difference, it was hard to catch him when he was up and not at work, so it felt like forever before I would hear from him. While I loved living in Jordan and made many dear friendships there, the loneliness was still a huge part of my life there.

It’s funny to think back about all the emotions that purple light used to bring… relief, excitement, anticipation, a brief oasis from the loneliness, a reminder of his warmth, a reminder that we would get married soon.

As I thought back over those memories, I felt content. Of course, I still had to get up to bury my phone under the carpet… I could never fall asleep with a flashing light in the room, however dim and small. But as I climbed back in bed with Gary, I thought about how nice it is to have him just an arm’s reach away. How wonderful is it that the loneliness is now just a memory brought up by a purple light and not a daily aching pain. Not to say I never feel lonely anymore… we all do sometimes… but it’s nice to know that season of loneliness passed.


Photo Credit: Magnolia Adams Photography



About sarjb

I am from Brasil, specifically a town near São Paulo called Atibaia. My parents are from the US and lived in Brasil for around 23 years. I came to the US when I was 18 to begin college. Just a few weeks after moving to the US, I met Gary while swing-dancing at OU (the University of Oklahoma). He later became my husband. I studied Arabic in college and have lived in Jordan for a total of around 2 years (both as a child and during my college years).
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